tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49524320912080808482024-02-20T15:26:50.744-05:00Today, I...Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4952432091208080848.post-30650146586047862972013-03-17T22:00:00.000-04:002013-03-17T22:00:54.167-04:00Today I...<br />
<br />
...have been reading "Choose Joy" by Kay Warren (married to Pastor Rick Warren) and loving it. In the book she espouses the theory that joy is a choice, something we CHOOSE. It is not just a by-product of the nice things that happen to us or when all of the circumstances in our lives line up but something we can (and should) experience even in the midst of the calamaties of life. She says that choosing "joy" in any situation is the sign of a deep trust in God. It's an acknowledgement that he knows what he's doing with our lives and nothing that happens to us is a surprise to him, or something that he cannot use to benefit us and to bring glory to himself through our experience. There is nothing that happens to us that does not come through his hand and that we cannot trust Him to take us through.<br />
<br />
Here is a quote from Chapter 3 that struck a chord... and made me think about my own weapons of choice...<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>"...When will we figure it out?
Our children are not here to meet our need for appreciation. They were not born to meet our expectations
for their lives. They are here to fulfill
God’s purpose for them… Yet day after
day, we look to our children - or our husbands or our friends or our co-workers
to fulfill us. When they don’t we get
angry. They<b> owe </b>us. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>That’s when most of us pick up our weapons of
choice. I’m not proud of the weapons I
have been known to use when I’m wounded.
But I will be honest and share my weapons with you as long as you will
think truthfully about yours.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>My favourite weapon when I’m disappointed in someone is either the
cold shoulder -the not so subtle way of turning away from the offending person
- or a sarcastic comment that cuts like a knife. As we hold our weapon of choice, we justify
our attitude. We decide that if the
other person would just change, we would have joy. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Why is this?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Because we are expecting the people in our lives to meet
needs they cannot meet. They were never
supposed to..."</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
From: Choose Joy: Because Happiness Isn't Enough - by Kay Warren</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4952432091208080848.post-57127597967461465102013-03-01T21:15:00.001-05:002013-03-01T21:29:06.441-05:00Today I...<br />
<br />
...saw an old friend - who brought medicine to my soul. <br />
<br />
Jan is going through a tough time in life, but it looks like the worst of it might be behind her now. I hope. We haven't seen each other for years - maybe 10? She was on her way to the East coast to start life over again but didn't want to leave without stopping to say goodbye, and to make SURE I stopped in if I was ever out that way again.<br />
<br />
We talked about the present, filled with more pain that she could almost bear. But we talked alot about the past too - the path that brought us both "here". <br />
<br />
I felt so honoured to have been singled out like that in the middle of such pain. "You were always there for me," she said. "You never judged. Such an example of God's love..."<br />
<br />
Well, I don't remember it that way - being "such an example of God's love" - but I'm glad she does. It could only be the love of Jesus shining through...<br />
<br />Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4952432091208080848.post-11308591221168028572013-02-25T23:59:00.000-05:002013-02-27T07:50:45.150-05:00Today I learned... ...a LOT!<br />
<br />
I learned once again - but in a deeper and clearer way - that when you see clearly of your need to forsake your own ways (ways which harm yourself and others) and ask for the wisdom you need from God to walk in HIS ways, that he is a lavish and liberal giver of gifts...<br />
<br />
I learned a little bit more of how HE sees me, which makes it a whole lot easier to love myself and to walk in a state of forgiveness toward "me" in just the same way as I do with those I love and care deeply for. Though I'm broken, I'm loveable! (Me and the Velveteen Rabbit.)<br />
<br />
I experienced once again what matters most is what God thinks of me.. that He is the only one who can be depended upon to truly "get you" and the only one that should!<br />
<br />
And I think that's quite enough for one day.Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4952432091208080848.post-2895206604695558172013-02-24T09:30:00.000-05:002013-02-24T09:38:28.778-05:00Today I... ...saw something I've never seen before.<br />
<br />
I have had a very poor image of myself. They are referred to as "the formative years" - and when the experiences of childhood, which in my case included some very negative experiences, the formation of who you are and how you view and relate to the world can become very skewed. I have had a very difficult time seeing myself as anything but "no good". As recently as a few months ago, I shared with someone that I thought that this was something I would always have to live with - my poor self image was my "thorn in the side".<br />
<br />
Well, today, as I was doing my daily readings, a bit of a light went on. Ephesians 3: 16-19 reads<br />
<br />
<span class="text Eph-3-14" id="en-NASB-29266" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">14 </sup>For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Eph-3-15" id="en-NASB-29267" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">15 </sup>from whom <sup class="footnote" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="[<a href="#fen-NASB-29267l" title="See footnote l">l</a>]">[<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%203&version=NASB#fen-NASB-29267l" style="color: #b37162; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: top;" title="See footnote l">l</a>]</sup>every family in heaven and on earth derives its name,</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"></span><span class="text Eph-3-16" id="en-NASB-29268" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">16 </sup>that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in</span><span class="text Eph-3-16" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><b> </b></span><span style="font-size: small;">the inner man,</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Eph-3-17" id="en-NASB-29269" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">17 </sup>so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; <i>and</i> that you, being rooted and grounded in love,</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Eph-3-18" id="en-NASB-29270" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">18 </sup>may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text Eph-3-19" id="en-NASB-29271" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;">19 </sup>and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.</span><br />
<span class="text Eph-3-19" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>
Suddenly I'm seeing things differently. If Christ is to "dwell in your hearts through faith" and we are to be "rooted and grounded in love", and thereby able "to comprehend... what is the breadth and length and height and dept and to know the love of Christ..." even to the point that it "surpasses all knowledge" and "that you maybe be filled up to all the fullness of God"... well, how can that co-exist with self hatred and self deprecation? Is it not actually a command to be "filled with love"? And can one be "filled with love" yet hate one's own self? <br />
<br />
No.<br />
<br />
So it is a matter of obedience. If I cannot accept my "loveliness" in Christ's eyes, than it is because I choose not to. And if I choose not to, doesn't that give me every reason in the world, every excuse, not to have to "change" or to conform to his image? To indulge any sin I want? To stay stuck in my puddle of mud at the bottom of this horrible pit? (When I could be up there dancing in glorious light?) <br />
<br />
You bet.<br />
<br />
This day of all days it will be the most difficult for me to begin to walk this out. Having been taken apart at the seams, and being fully cognizant of how my foolish belief system has affected and hurt others, how can I suddenly see myself as "loveable". <br />
<br />
But I am highly motivated. (If DON'T want to die in this mess, in the middle of this "stinkin' thinkin'" then I HAVE to change. I want to go out " a trophy of His grace", bringing glory to HIM, not just a product of my own silly clinging to an old way of life...) God helping me, I will.<br />
<br />
No more self deprecatory remarks from me.<br />
<br />
I also read this morning (in the Daily Light) that whatever we ask, believing, that God will give it to us and it also says, "<i>If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault</i> (thank you Lord especially for that "not finding fault" part) <i>and it will be given to him</i>..."<br />
<br />
So I'm asking in faith... for the wisdom I need to walk this out. For the wisdom to grasp the hand of the One who wants to deliver (instead of saying, "no thank you, I quite like my pit. It's comfortable here.") and to open my eyes to see His truth about me and about how to relate to others. Send me your Truth, Lord, and grant me the grace to walk in it.<br />
<br />
Today I think<br />
this just might be<br />
the first day of the rest of my life.<br />
<span class="text Eph-3-19" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span>Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4952432091208080848.post-26971664170851768602013-02-23T23:59:00.000-05:002013-02-24T09:38:02.230-05:00Today I ...died. <br />
<br />
So to speak.<br />
<br />
I am in the worst place, I think I've ever been.<br />
<br />
I realize (and am trying - with God's help - to fully accept) the reality that I have been living all of my life with a "victim mentality".<br />
<br />
Someone told me that very thing about fifteen years ago. I took it as an affront. I was so offended. I was so blind...<br />
<br />
It took being pierced to the core of my being and being torn wide open to clearly see my sin, how I have been hurting others, and myself, not to mention my relationship with God. <br />
<br />
I've always known somehow that there was a pit (even though I tried as hard as I possibly could to believe otherwise) but I've never been able to figure it out - it was like sensing it - seeing through a glass darkly -- never able to see it clearly before - and thereby never able to identify it. I have been so blind. (Probably choosing to be blind.)<br />
<br />
I'm afraid now of bleeding to death before I can learn a new way to "be". Of losing relationships because I opened my eyes too late. That I'm too old to change sixty years of firmly entrenched pathways in my brain and in my heart. Of drifting back into blindness because this is no small thing - this asking me to change sixty years of a way of "being" to something else. How can I possibly do it?<br />
<br />
But God...<br />
<br />
I can't say there's even a glimmer of hope. It's too miniscule to call it even that. but there is the tiniest speck of a glow - not because of anything in me - but only because I know God is faithful. I am trusting him to lead me out of this. I have to. What other choice do I have? What other hope do I have? <br />
<br />
And I'm thanking him that it's not too late. If I had died last night I would have died never knowing... at least not knowing before the great white throne of judgment... If I die tonight, I at least will have died repentant. For that I am grateful.<br />
<br />
And grateful for the circumstances that brought me here to this place of being able to "see". (I blame no one but myself.)<br />
<br />
I'm afraid of what tomorrow may bring. I don't think I can stand another painful shred of "truth". No, not even a shred. <br />
<br />
But God... I know. But God...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div id="yui_3_7_2_19_1361675660522_54" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
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Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4952432091208080848.post-73887671990683780452013-02-22T00:00:00.000-05:002013-02-24T03:02:53.084-05:00July 17, 2010<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj796jgOmR-xzXwpoPJSgfmKyz9_WSJLCiGXXNoo0JKcNEdTAh8-oyz0aGJvUsSo4avmhaPg03Aod_vChX2rZVRaIwIeWYouNnXe4LredQRNDUKhPUZQJBNainIjcORHKL74fH_1AnRqXM/s1600/DSC_0604.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="425" hw="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj796jgOmR-xzXwpoPJSgfmKyz9_WSJLCiGXXNoo0JKcNEdTAh8-oyz0aGJvUsSo4avmhaPg03Aod_vChX2rZVRaIwIeWYouNnXe4LredQRNDUKhPUZQJBNainIjcORHKL74fH_1AnRqXM/s640/DSC_0604.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4952432091208080848.post-20324271006450604242013-01-16T21:52:00.000-05:002013-01-16T21:52:02.481-05:00Early Morning InvestmentsToday I...<br />
<br />
...was <i>very</i> glad I'd started my day in the living room with my small basket of books and my journal on my lap. <br />
<br />
"I'll get the tea," I said out loud to God, as I headed down the hallway to the bathroom and the kitchen (in that order). I looked over at the blue chair that was waiting for me and realized that I am finished with trying to plow through life without that few moments of restoration that I've been able to grab every single morning for the last two weeks. And they say it takes six weeks to start a habit...<br />
<br />
I've spent time in devotions before, though it's always been sporadic. They have always been "hit and miss" with me int he past, and admittedly, more "miss" that "hit". (But we are "free in Christ, right? It's not a religion! :) )<br />
<br />
But this year as I approached my birthday (just before Christmas) I began to sense God doing something "new" in me. Through a series of events, which included listening particularly hard to the last few sermons of the year, and responding particularly attentively to the yearnings of my own hungry heart, I heard God calling me back. Back to meeting with him, but not just hit and miss this time.<br />
<br />
What made the difference? What convinced me? Well, I stopped looking at this time spent with God as a religious activity, or an obligation, or a "rule to be followed", and started rather to see it as a wise "investment" of time.<br />
<br />
"Do you want to end up," Pastor Rick asked intently, "in exactly the same place next year that you are in this year?"<br />
<br />
I knew that my answer to that question was a resounding "no". And I knew that if I wanted to really see something "more" next year than I was seeing this year, I would have to invest my time accordingly. <br />
<br />
So just before Christmas I purposed in my heart to go straight to the living room first thing in the morning. No matter what. Yes, even if I was late for work. <br />
<br />
And I'm not sorry. In fact, I'm loving this time with God every morning so much that it's hard to think about ever quitting... He has not disappointed me one iota. And I'm noticing some changes. But more about that later. (Maybe tomorrow!)Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4952432091208080848.post-30891811001366067332010-07-18T23:10:00.000-04:002010-07-18T23:10:52.724-04:00All for One and One for All!Today, I...<br />
<br />
...stood on the stage at church with Frances and Belinda - Esther was sitting at the piano. It was the first time we were together again as a worship team in many months. We used to be all on the same team, with Belinda and I taking turns leading, then things were shuffled up and now we are all on the same team again, only with Frances leading. There were lots of feelings and adjustments that happened in between those two places as one might imagine, but some things never change.<br />
<br />
Frances was beset by a number of obstacles this morning and as we strode to the front to pick up our mikes and face the congregation, I laid my hand on her shoulder, and said just loud enough for her to hear, "I'm behind you a thousand percent." She turned to say a quick thankyou, but the look in her eyes said much more. It was clear she felt supported. <br />
<br />
It felt like a little piece of heaven there this morning... Between we three it doesn't matter who is leading and who isn't. It's all for one and one for all... Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4952432091208080848.post-78919125368719226322010-07-17T23:51:00.000-04:002010-07-17T23:51:29.971-04:00Unexpected Pleasures.Today, I ...<br />
<br />
...was part of a simple but wonderful event at my kitchen table of which I believe someone else is going to write, so I am not about to steal their thunder. :)<br />
<br />
More tomorrow! (Or the next day.)Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4952432091208080848.post-66642294319277113172010-07-14T00:20:00.000-04:002010-07-14T00:52:32.410-04:00July 13, 2010Today, I...<br />
<br />
...got really, really scared. Confrontation. I hate it. I guess because I always expect the worst result to come of it. Well, heaven knows I've had enough experience with negative results. But I've grown a lot in the last few years, too. I've learned - in my thinking part, anyway - that confrontation is a good thing. It might be a bit messy, but it gets things out in the open where the problems can be tackled and worked out. <br />
<br />
So today I had to draw some boundaries. If I didn't do it, I knew that I would end up feeling taken advantage of and maybe even would have clung to some feelings of resentment. I knew that wasn't good for either of us. It wasn't fair, either. How was the other person to know what I really thought about the situation if I only nodded assent to everything he said? He couldn't possibly read my mind unless I opened it up for him so he could see inside too. I had to take the plunge and let him know what I was thinking and try to help him to understand. <br />
<br />
I took a deep breath and I said it. I didn't mince words because I knew I would get lost in them if I did. I said it quick and kept to the facts as much as I could. It went over really well. I mean it was uncomfortable for a few moments, but he could quickly see where I was coming from. The lights went on, the discomfort lasted for a bit and then it was over. I had been fair. Fair to the person who was now understands what my needs are and fair to me who had to make my needs known. <br />
<br />
I thought about how hard it was for me to express an opinion or to stand up for myself when I knew it was going against the tide - if I thought that others might not like me if I made waves. I wondered why I had been able to take the plunge today when in times past I would have avoided the conversation and instead fought a slightly different war inside my own self. I didn't have to think long before I realized the answer.<br />
<br />
Work. When working with others toward a common goal, there are many opportunities to face confrontation. There are times when I need to disagree. If God had not put me in this situation where I was forced to do it, and paid to do it, I would never have grown in this area. I still don't like it, but I know it has to be done. And I know that it ususally turns out to be a really good thing. It just doesn't always "feel" like it's going to at the time. <br />
<br />
I'm almost always wrong, though. Like today. Thank you, Father, for putting me in a situations where I have to grow - where I have no choice but to be squeezed and molded and changed whether I like it or not. It's the process of being conformed to your image. Because you put me into a situation at work where I had to do it or face that I had not walked in integrity, I was forced to learn that with your help I COULD do it. <br />
<br />
I was thinking this morning as I was driving in to work about the 23rd Psalm. I pray it at least once a day of late and this day was no exception.<br />
<br />
Lord, you are my shepherd, so I will not want for anything - ever. I have no needs!<br />
You make me lie down in green pastures - you feed me well from your word and from the experiences you provide for me in everyday life- and you lead me beside still waters where my soul is calmed and I am able to drink deeply of your Spirit. You restore my soul. Sigh! You lead me in paths of righteousness - you show me the right way to do things - you reveal your ways to me - for your name's sake. <br />
<br />
Even though that path gets so dark that I feel like I am facing sure death, I will not fear that anything bad is happening. You are right there with me, leading me to a good place! Your rod and staff they comfort me (because I know you will discipline me, I am not afraid of my sin nature, but am comforted by the knowledge that you will only let me go so far and that you will let it hurt enough to train me to forsake my own ways in favour of yours..<br />
<br />
You prepare a table before me in front of my enemies - you show them that your hand of blessing is on me and their plans against me have been foiled again. You work it all out in such a way that there is no doubt that it was you and you alone. You pour the oil of "belonging" over my head, my cup of blessing runs over because you are so good to me!<br />
<br />
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and regardless of the situation, I will be where you are and you will be where I am - forever.Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4952432091208080848.post-85028860695789420872010-07-12T21:07:00.000-04:002010-07-12T23:31:10.636-04:00July 12, 2010Today I ... blew it. On many levels. <br />
<br />
I failed to plan ahead and so my day started off with a lot of disorganized craziness which could have been avoided, I suppose, by a bit of pre-planning over the weekend. <br />
<br />
I failed to watch the clock this morning and lingered too long over my emails and Facebook account and ended up leaving a half hour later than I should have in order to get my day off to a good start.<br />
<br />
I failed to stay calm on the inside (to walk beside the still waters and into green pastures) and instead got frazzzzled. And that meant the people around me got frazzled too. (I kind of snapped at someone to stop finishing my sentences for me - then spent just such a long time apologizing - what a waste of time!) <br />
<br />
I guess there were some successes too, but my day was so affected by the bad start I gave it that there was no real recovery all day. Tonight I'm going to bed on time - early in fact, and I hope to start tomorrow off on a much better footing - firstly by making sure I walk out of the house having first followed Jesus to the quiet waters and taken a deep drink. I felt like that first few hours was a train wreck which pushed all the minutes into the next over the remainder of the day, just like a runaway engine would cause the cars ahead of it to crumple into the next if it ran into them full force - boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, all the way down the line, one after another... However....<br />
<br />
In another facet of my life, today was Fanny's birthday. Her 75th. More about that another time. But I'm glad I was there. And so was she. We made plans to visit Simcoe 2 sometime soon. That's what she <em>really</em> wanted for her birthday, she told me. What a small thing. And it's in my power to give. So a trip to Simcoe 2 she shall have! I go to bed grateful for a friend like Fanny who makes me forget all the pressure in my life. That is certainly one of her best gifts to me. She refuses to speed up to my crazy speed, so I forced to slow down if I want to experience "presence" with her. What a gift she is...<br />
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Onward and upward! Tomorrow is another day.Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4952432091208080848.post-62100252574726094982010-07-12T00:19:00.000-04:002010-07-12T08:29:12.742-04:00July 11, 2010We read a chapter of Bill Hybels book, "Honest to God" at cell group this past Thursday evening. He suggested journaling with God in order to jump start and revitalize your quiet times. His suggestion was to start it with the word, "Yesterday..." but knowing that I won't be sitting down to write very often in the morning, I decided to start mine, "Today..." I also decided to do it as a blog instead of in a paper and pen journal. That way I can't lose it so easily. :)<br />
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So I begin. Today...<br />
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Today... a curly blonde head lay across my chest and my arms went around a warm little body that shuddered with sobs. "I do-o-o-on't wa-a-a-ant to go-o-o-o...to ca-a-amp" Mikey's plaintive little voice was pathetic for a big brother who at times wickedly delights in tormenting the younger fellows in the family. He's growing up so fast - in a matter of weeks now he will "hit the double digits" when he turns 10, but sometimes the small, scared, and vulnerable little boy in him still reigns supreme. He's a "planner", something he definitely did not get from his maternal grandparents. He has a gift for looking ahead and making sure everything is in place for future events that involve him. But it's not always possible to plan ahead. There are lots of things that remain out of his control. Like who your counsellor is going to be and who will be the kids in your cabin. Those kinds of things challenge his need to get all the ducks in a row. When he can't plan it all ahead, it turns instead into anxiety.<br />
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I was lying on the couch and I drew him as close to me as I could. I spoke comforting words, giving him all the pat answers. "You'll be glad you went when the week is over." and "Remember all the fun you had last year?" and "You can always run to Uncle Mike or Auntie Em if you need a hug." He had an answer for everything and nothing I could say was helping at all. I ran my finger gently around and around the palm of his hand, something that always calmed him as a baby and still works very well. His sobs subsided and gradually transformed into shallow breathing, but I could tell that his anxiety levels were still off the scale. Every few breaths he would let out a little groan as though he were experiencing some deep pain.<br />
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My heart is so full. I want to tell him, "Okay, you don't have to go!" but it's not my call. I quit with the pat answers and start wracking my brain for something that might work, but nothing comes. I find my heart beginning to connect with the Holy Spirit and I begin praying for Mikey with groaning of my own that is too deep for words. Eventually, the words come...<br />
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"Oh, Mikey," I start. "Most of the time you forget all about Jesus. You think about him when you're at Sunday School, or if Mommy reads you a Bible story, or during devotions at camp, but most of the time you forget he's there. But he wants to be a part of your life. He wants to help you through all this stuff. He cares about you you so much more than anyone else does. He cares so much about what you're going through, and he understands better than anyone. He loves you more than I do..."<br />
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I ask him if he wants me to pray for him and his head moves up and down almost imperceptively. I take that as a yes. "Lord Jesus, you love Mikey so much. Please help him through this. Please let him know you are here. Help him to calm down and to feel your peace in his heart. Let him know that he can depend on you, that you will help him through this..."<br />
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We lay there quietly for a while, without another word of conversation. Within a couple of minutes, Mikey is asleep. I extricate myself from his embrace and head for the kitchen. Not ten minutes later, Matthew bursts into the house announcing that Mikey needs to come right home. It's time to leave for camp! Matthew is also going to the Salvation Army Band Camp for the next week, along with their cousin Eliana, but there is not a sign of anxiety in his brightly shining eyes and his body moves with the anticipation and excitement that is coursing through him. <br />
I shush Matthew and make a quick call to their Mom. I explain that Mikey is asleep and suggest they head off for Jackson's Point right away. I will drive Mikey over in a couple of hours after he's had a good sleep. Since his anxiety over camp had ensured a very short night for Mikey the night before, Mom agreed that would be a good idea. <br />
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A couple of hours later, I gently woke Mikey and told him it was time to leave. He jumped up and we headed out. We went through the drive-thru at the Bradford McDonald's to pick up some lunch to eat on the way. <br />
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Mikey was munching away on his Chicken Snack Wraps in the back seat. He was obviously in a much better frame of mind than he had been before his nap. "How long until we get to camp?" he asked. I told him that I didn't think it would be much more than half an hour.<br />
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A little further on he piped up again. "I'm not nervous anymore," he mused. "I wonder why?"<br />
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I reminded him that I had prayed for him. "God was ready to answer my prayer for you even before the words come out of my mouth!"<br />
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Mikey sat quietly contemplating for a few minutes. I wasn't sure if my words had gone in one ear and out the other, or if they had stayed in there long enough to have some effect. The next thing he said was this: "Well, I can't wait to get to camp now. I just can't wait... How long now, Mommy'sMum?"<br />
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And I knew the message had hit home and was already bearing fruit.<br />
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Thank you God! What a privilege to have been granted a place of influence in a little boy's heart. May I never take it for granted!Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12527926041729913404noreply@blogger.com0